My Life

ad_raheem @ 2006-02-14T18:16:00

2006-02-14T23:16:55Z

It needs to be February 15th. Now. Actually it needs to be February 24th, that would be better.

ad_raheem @ 2005-08-11T12:34:00

2005-08-11T16:34:11Z

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love

Repost this if you believe that homophobia is wrong.

ad_raheem @ 2004-09-28T14:45:00

2004-09-28T18:45:46Z

My angst tastes like...

Black Licorice
Find your angst's flavor

ad_raheem @ 2004-08-06T13:49:00

2004-08-06T17:46:39Z

I decided to make a Gap wishlist too since it's right next door to my store and I get a discount there too:

Fashion Wishlist from my work

2004-08-06T17:33:04Z

ad_raheem @ 2004-08-06T00:29:00

2004-08-06T04:35:18Z

Today was my last day of class and I ripped my final a new asshole. Awesome. Tomorrow we have to clean and I have to return books, then going home on Saturday.

I go back to work at Banana Republic sometime next week, which is good and bad. Good because I really need money because I have bills to pay and bad because I know I'm going to blow my money on clothes. I am DYING to go shopping. I want so much stuff. I think tomorrow I'm gonna make a fashion post. Also it's racetrack season in Saratoga so there will be snooty bastards in the store making me wait on them hand and foot and messing everything up. GRRR. At least school starts relatively soon but that's going to be super-hectic too what with rush starting right away and fricken Greek Week with the Greek Olympics (ahhhhh) coming up right away.

Today me and GB saw "The Village". I'm still thinking about it...it's definitely NOT what I was expecting. I had heard that it was similar to M. Night Shyamalan's other movies in that there's a big twist at the end but I honestly was never expecting this. It was crazy! I would definitely recommend seeing it if you like that kind of movie.

ad_raheem @ 2004-07-21T18:23:00

2004-07-21T22:27:33Z

For some reason for the past few days I've been preoccupied with music...partially has to do with the fact that I now have access to all the music on my own computer that I have set up in Jill and Mego's old room right now... I was going to try and make a list of my favorite bands and artists but I decided to try and make a list of the songs that mean the most to me. Not necessarily a list of my favorite songs because that changes according to my mood and what's out there right now, but the songs that absolutely are a constant for me in my life any time. Most of them are sad songs.

1. "The River"- Bruce Springsteen If you haven't heard this song, it's probably not what you think of when you hear Bruce Springsteen. It's the story of a very ordinary couple, in a working-class town in Jersey of course, so simple but absolutely heartbreaking
2. "Only in Dreams"- Weezer Seven minutes and fifty nine seconds of sonic heaven
3. "#41"- Dave Matthews Band One of my favorite songs ever, especially the live version. Melissa the Pheta is going to get me a #41 sticker!
4. "Across the Sea"- Weezer It was hard to pick a favorite off of Pinkerton which is my favorite cd but this song struck me from the first time I heard the first line of it: "You are 18 year old girl who live in small city in Japan". It's so fricken cute, and touching, and indescrible. Doesn't matter how many times I have heard it.
5. "Long Goodnight"- the Get Up Kids I could play this song over and over again, it is so beautiful
6. "Precious Things"- Tori Amos This was on her first self-titled cd, Little Earthquakes, which was also the first cd I ever got of hers, around maybe 8th grade. It hit on everything I had feared my whole life about feeling ugly or unpopular. I also love the live version.
7. "For Me This is Heaven"- Jimmy Eat World and "Konstantine"- Something Corporate
I put these songs together because SoCo mentions "For Me This is Heaven" in "Konstantine". They are both beautiful songs
8. "Landslide" I love both the Smashing Pumpkins and original Stevie Nicks versions of this songs. I actually kind of like the Pumpkins version better but I couldn't really decide
9. "Willing to Fight"- Ani Difranco It was really hard to choose a favorite Ani Difranco song. I seriously couldn't pick one and I'm not sure that this is my favorite but I think I like the lyrics of this one the most. These are the songs of hers that are my absolute favorites though that I loved all through high school and am rediscovering now:
"Overlap", "Swan Dive", "Shy", "Joyful Girl", "Not a Pretty Girl"
10. "One"- U2 After my parents got divorced I can remember my dad playing this song a lot and I grew to really like it too. I love "With or Without You" too but I think I've heard it a little too much

ad_raheem @ 2004-06-30T22:38:00

2004-07-01T02:36:59Z

ad_raheem Highway

Fame City	7
Hobotown	20
Study Hall	63
Wealthville	144
Confusion Lane	221
Please Drive Carefully

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

ad_raheem @ 2004-06-27T22:07:00

2004-06-28T02:05:21Z

You Are a Dolce & Gabbana Blue Leather Hobo Bag

Whew! This bag is barely big enough to hold your credit cards.

You're a fashionista, who loves buying the latest trends

In fact, as cute as this bag is - it will barely last you a week

Then it's on to the next cute bag you see, at 19% APR!

What Kind of Handbag Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

ad_raheem @ 2004-06-14T14:11:00

2004-06-14T18:12:16Z

poopie caca

ad_raheem @ 2004-05-08T19:17:00

2004-05-08T23:27:32Z

When I was a senior in high school, about a week before graduation, I was given a take-home final for my Honors English class along with the rest of the class. However, I didn't complete the final. I came in the next day with only part of it. I left the room and went to the Guidance Counselor's office in the beginning of class, trying to avoid what my teacher would say.

I don't know why I didn't finish the final. It wasn't particularly difficult, just an essay or two on what we had been reading, and I have always loved reading and writing. Soon it became unclear whether or not I could even graduate. The school board had to be notified and whether or not I could graduate was debated for about a week, which was pure mental torture for me. I had already been accepted to Geneseo and was looking forward to leaving the crap of high school behind and starting over in college, and here I was, in a state of emotional turmoil, all because I hadn't finished some stupid assignment. In the end of course, I was allowed to graduate but had to finish the work and turn it in late for little to no credit.

Why had I sabotaged myself? It wasn't out of laziness or because the work was too hard. I had wanted to see myself fall, wanted to prove to everyone that I sucked at life. I don't completely know why I did that, but here I am again in the same boat. Why I feel the need to do this to myself delves into a lot of personal and past issues with my family, friends, school, etc. that I don't even completely know. All I know is that it sucks and I am fighting to stay afloat and in charge of my life again for the second time.

I am so utterly bored at home. I hate for this whole post to be a bitch-fest but I really dont' have anything else to write about. I am excited to start work again but worried because work is very appearance based. I will have to buy all new clothes with money that I don't have because I've gotten too big for my old work clothes and I just know people at work will have plenty of mean comments about how I've gotten bigger. I've been working out like crazy ever since I got home and trying to eat less to lose some of this damn weight, I don't know how it ever got to be so bad. I have seriously gone up 3 sizes in the past year or so and have a gut when I never used to have a problem with that area. Also the ride situation is fucked up, I don't know how I'll get to and from work. The bottom line is that I need to make money. GRRR!

And I decided that I need to come out to Geneseo sometime in June. I can't stand being away from people like this. None of my friends are back yet from college and I live now like a 20 minute car ride from everyone where it used to be around the block and I can't drive.

Ok I guess I am done complaining for the day and will go work out some more now.

P.S. You guys need to update more! jeez.

ad_raheem @ 2004-04-13T10:45:00

2004-04-13T14:45:38Z

you are lavender
#E6E6FA

Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You're good in social situations and want to fit in. Just be careful not to compromise who you are to make them happy.

Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

ad_raheem @ 2004-04-05T20:54:00

2004-04-06T00:59:30Z

So I'm trying a new thing. Less negativity, trying to stop mean things that I say and thoughts that I have. Let me tell you, it was really hard at first. I never thought of myself as a mean person and I don't think many people do, at least I hope not, but just randomly and without using my conscience I will say very mean things offhandedly. I realized that if I heard someone talk about me like that, I would be very upset. So I'm making an effort to stop and I do feel better! I also have picked up the pace with doing my work :)

ad_raheem @ 2004-03-24T12:21:00

2004-03-24T17:40:16Z

I love you Big and I know you're just trying to help me, and I really think I'm getting on the right path. Things aren't completely patched up w/GB yet, they won't completely be for a while obviously bc it is hard to get over something like that right away, but relationships take work. And I have a week to study for this test and catch up and get ahead on my other classes and I am finally optimistic about things. I'm just sad that I only have a month and a half to spend with you which I HATE to think of or say. :( I didn't even go to TNDC last night, I went to the library and then watched a movie.

Now I am going to take a nap and then more library to read.

this is neat

2004-03-23T17:33:10Z

ad_raheem @ 2004-03-19T13:19:00

2004-03-19T18:26:40Z

Recap of the past few days:

Me, Katie, and Nicole P. went out for St. Patricks Day. It was CRAZY. Nicole was drunk when she got here at 10, then we went to Crows which was completely packed. I made a new friend but I don't know his name but he's in my psych class and depledged from Sig Nu. A lot of the time I was talking to this table of boys who were freshmen and were getting me beers and even offering me their own beers when the keg ran out at one point.

I saw the terrifying red-haired kid who we call "Acne Attack" who was completely wasted and didn't understand what was going on, staring at everyone's cleav, and trying to get into the bathroom while girls were using it.

Highlights of the night included a fateful encounter with the Messiah and Everything, Justin Hugg falling down all the stairs and spilling a whole pitcher of beer, Nicole falling down said stairs, while being introduced to Mistapeek she simply said "You're hot!", and when we went to the IB we were dancing up a storm and she was dancing too crazily for any guy to keep up and she also fell on the floor.

The end.

ad_raheem @ 2004-03-19T13:16:00

2004-03-19T18:18:01Z

Sarah is the #23 most common female name.
0.508% of females in the US are named Sarah.
Around 647700 US females are named Sarah!
source namestatistics.com

corby is the #11399 most common last name.
0.001% of last names in the US are corby.
Around 2500 US last names are corby!
source namestatistics.com

robinson is the #20 most common last name.
0.233% of last names in the US are robinson.
Around 582500 US last names are robinson!
source namestatistics.com

Geneseo rules

2004-01-23T16:06:51Z

I seriously think Geneseo is one of the most fun colleges ever. There's always a lot of different places to go at night and I think that our drunken adventures beat everyone else's by far. Last night wasn't too crazy but it was a lot of fun.

Sara, KHoff and I were first going to go to Sig Nu but then we decided to go to Omega instead bc it looked like more fun. There were a ton of freshmen there and you had to fight for a beer. It was weird. I got hardcore rushed bc I wasn't wearing letters and it was funny. Also this kid was there who kept telling brothers "I'm a rush!" and then he funnelled FOUR beers and he kept saying he did it because my faith got him through it. He also looked identical to Mike Bogulski. There was a lot of scary drunken dancing/making out, the usual. Katie and I are freaks and we wanted to make it our goal to be in this random freshman girl's livejournal that we found bc we recognized her there. Yeah, we're scary, I know. I felt bad though bc Shannon was insulted by one of my friends, so I IMed him about it. Then we went to the IB and Nima bought me a drink. BNash was there too and I said hi to him. Then when we got home both of them IMed me. I was laughing my ass off bc BNash was really drunk and he was typing gibberish. For some reason it strikes me as hilarious bc he's just so damn tall. Then Nima IMed me and was like "I didn't expect you to be so hot, I didn't imagine you would be this attractive", it was odd to say the least. I also had a long rambling convo w/Mike the Crow bc for some reason I always think he is my BFF when I see him out.

All in all a pleasant evening was had by all.

ad_raheem @ 2004-01-22T19:49:00

2004-01-23T01:04:04Z

I was bored so I decided to do one of these things

Last Words You Said: something to my suitemates about the movie "Moulin Rouge"
Last Song You Sang? AHHHHH! Clay Aiken "Invisible", yikes
Last Person You Hugged? I think I hugged KHoff today
Last Thing You Laughed At? We said someone looked "Ames" at IGC today
Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It? probably to one of my friends
Last Time You Cried? At the last meeting
What's In Your CD Player? Barenaked Ladies "Born on a Pirate Ship" thanks to KHoff, new Britney Spears yay, and Brand New "Deja Entendu"
What Color Socks Are You Wearing? white
What's Under Your Bed? a whole lot of junk
What Time Did You Wake Up Today? around 9ish
Current Taste? nothing, we had Chinese food for dinner, ick
Current Hair? i just put mousse in it because I'm going to try to curl it
Current Clothes? purple sweater and pajama pants. HOTT.
Current Annoyance? my stomach hurts and I want to go out tonight
Current Longing? a good alcoholic drink that is not beer. preferably Lumpys, amaretto sour, or Arbor Mist
Current Desktop Picture? uhhh Justin Timberlake from the cover of Rolling Stone
Current Worry? reading this damn 18th century literature and being able to identify passages for a test
Current Hate? things that rhyme with "watt"
Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex? I have no idea
Last CD You Bought? I feel bad, it's been a while but I usually just download
Favorite Place To Be? someplace warm
Least Favorite Place? I don't know
Time You Wake Up In The Morning? depends on the day.
If You Could Play An Instrument? guitar
Do You Believe In An Afterlife? I don't know
How Tall Are You? 5'3"
Current Favorite Word/Saying? shit damn, peepee face, hot dog face
Favorite Season? Spring
One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To: some of my old teachers and friends I've lost touch with
Favorite Day? generally Fridays
Where Would You Like To Go? someplace tropical right now, any place in Europe
What Is Your Career Going To Be Like? I do not know
How Many Kids Do You Want? 22
Favorite Car?I want a pimped out Caddy with pink fur interior
Type A Line You Remember From Any Book: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times"

Superspy

2004-01-22T03:42:29Z

I am a superspy. I'm also reading the most boring thing ever for my 300 level English class, it's this long narrative poem from the 1680s using Biblical names and symbolism to describe some stupid event in the British Restoration. It blows.

I'm excited for Open Rush actually, I think it might actually be pretty fun. Not so much the Open House part but oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do. I like the Sammies, we all had a good time at the social.

I'm feeling alright with the schoolwork and classes and I think I will do a good job this semester. I just have a shitload of reading to do.

I made up with Colleen today too. I was still kind of ticked off about some things but I figured sometimes it's better to let things slide than to have bad feelings between friends. In the right circumstances, of course, because I have done that before and it's been a major mistake.

Also, things are a lot better with the other situation, much less stress and pressure thank the lord.

Now all I have to do is find strippers!

FRUSTRATION

2004-01-08T22:50:03Z

I am SO upset right now. I guess I was naive, but I find it hard to believe that there are such downright horrible people alive in the world today. People who are compulsive liars and who stab friends in the back, and then seem to think that they have the right to be be mean to that person. Wake the fuck up, you suck. I am so frustrated because this terrible person doesnt even have the decency to admit they were wrong. To this day, they continue to tell lies and try to make themselves out to be the victim and me the bad guy when it is the exact opposite situation.
It boggles my mind!!! I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone!
I know that I should move on and just forget that this person even exists and be happy that the drama is gone, but the pain and frustration just aren't going away with time and I don't really know what to do, since this person hates me for no good reason.

I know I probably shouldn't even think of this situation and focus on next semester because it probably isn't good for my blood pressure. I really hope people in sorority can patch up their problems because this is a make or break semester and I'm excited yet nervous.

Can't WAIT to go back to schooly school and see my true friends and sisters...
"maybe it wasn't good enough, but I gave you all I could..."

Blah

2004-01-07T04:53:32Z

Some of the funny things that happened at work today were

- crazy lady who decided to tell me her life story, including the saga of her dying 62 year old aunt and how men cannot be trusted to show emotion
-Andrew's manager at Gap telling him that she used to be a crack whore (for real)
-Crazy lady at Gap commenting on the anatomically correct naked male mannequins "Looks like they're packing some heat"

Really, how do you respond to a comment like that?!

I cannot stress enough how glad I am to be going back to school even though I just realized I'm taking a 300 level English class at 9:55 3 times a week. YIKES. I will have to work extra hard.

I bought stuff at work today. For shame. I got a pink suede bag and a necklace and matching earrings that are small silver hearts with diamonds in them. Oh well, with my gift certificates I only used $26 so not so bad. Do do do do do I need a serious date with MJ this week. I know I said I wasn't going to do that any more but I have the very strong urge to now...

FOUR DAYS!

2004-01-06T05:24:21Z

Yayayayayay going back to school in only 4 days THANK GOD! I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. Only bad thing is we have no furniture. Oh well, that's the price you have to pay for getting rid of a certain person...

Yay! I'm actually really excited to get up at 6 a.m. tomorrow, we have a brand new shipment coming into work which means I get to go SHOPPING. Booyah.

I'm like a shopaholic, but for alcohol.

Bedtime.

Top 10 Funny Moments of Last Semester

2004-01-05T09:07:24Z

Top 10 Funniest Things of Last Semester:
10.Swiffering the floor with a maxi pad
9.When I came home with the ham box and the screw driverand the weirdo kid from RIT was sleeping in the black chair
8.The night the Messiah, Everything, and Omar were in A3C and stole the Jesus (a.k.a. Hank Williams)head
7.The lapdance at Mia's to Phil Collins' "You Can't Hurry Love"
6.The incident that involved squatting with no pants on and not being able to locate the toilet
5.Gregory Phyllis Mia at Walmart and Phigs
4.J-Lo on Halloween
3.Sitting in a limo with strobe lights blasting Michael Jackson drinking a beer with 3 other ADs going to a town 1/2 hour away where we lost Mego and played Italian card games at someones parents house
2.When "Joey" passed out on Squishy Foam Foam
1.When Katie thought Gerry the cleaning lady would kick her ass for wearing striped underwear and claimed to be Muhammad Ali, a mushroom, Ernest Hemingway, and Tara Lipinski

la la la

2004-01-05T05:49:13Z

Today at work we had to do inventory, which would suck my ball sac if I had one. There was this weirdo kid who looked like he was 12 and kept grinning like an idiot at me, and Andrew warned me that he smelled really rank, sort of like a combination between shit, farts, rotting animal carcass, garbage, and burning hair. I didn't believe him until I was caught in a cloud of his foul odor. Yuck.

For some reason I have been very sad today, just thinking about things that I have screwed up relationship-wise. I was trying to figure out why it hurts so much even if you have convinced yourself that you're over someone, to see them with someone else, it's just that for so long you've thought of them as yours alone. I wish I hadn't fucked things up so much with certain people even though I felt justified in doing what I did at the time. Oh well.

I just found out the funniest thing ever about someone that I hate. It involves them being so annoying that they had to be HOGTIED. hahahaha.

I'm trying to convince KHoff that she needs to make a livejournal so she can be on my friends list so I'm not such a raging loser. haha

Blah that's about it for now, I'm boring

so this is the new year..
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal,
explosions off in the distance.
so this is the new year..
and I have no resolutions,
for self assigned penance,
for problems with easy solutions.so everybody put your best suit or dress on,
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once.
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn,
as thirty dialogues bleed into one..
i wish the world was flat like the old days,
then i could travel just by folding a map.
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways..
there'd be no distance that could hold us back..
there'd be no distance that could hold us back.
-Deathcab for Cutie, a great band